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She reached for it, her fingers grasping around the can. She watched in the mirror, the reflection had become detached from her. She was watching someone else, copying there movements. She could see the pleasure in the other person, could see the arousal in there body and wanted to please them. Her hand grasped the can and slowly she moved her hand back down to between her spread thighs. She rubbed the rounded plastic cap up and down her slit, pressing it against her moist lips. She could see her flesh being pressed inward. More pressure and then with a loud moan she felt it enter her. She watched it slowly enter her body, stretching her vagina. The cold metal against her sensitive lips sending shivers through her body. She watched it slide inside her until only the very base could be seen. Then slowly retrieving it, pulling it out, twisting it as she withdrew the makeshift toy. She rubbed the tip along her slit again; she could see a ring of moisture on the can, tendrils of her. ) There'sa fine line to be drawn here: you want to face up to your impending deathwithout flinching, but you also want to continue living as normal a life aspossible. Some pagan philosopher put it best: If you know you're going todie to-morrow, don't let it cramp your style to-day. And I have no bargaining chips: I quit smoking--alas!--a couple ofyears ago, & I live a pretty healthy life style. So I'm skipping all thatuntil anger. (It's ironic--I always promised myself that if I got cancerI'd start smoking again. After all, you're going to die anyway; what'sleft for it to do to you? And here I am with leukemia, low on erythrocytes& on the all-important hemoglobin that transports oxygen to my cells. Ineed all the oxygen I can get, and can't afford to have any of it squeezedout by carboxyhemoglobin, the reaction product between hemoglobin & carbonmonoxide. Oh, well.) Anger--is that it? My natural impulse is to lash out: to say,"From now on, the hell with everybody else. I'm.
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